Bringing Home the Duncan Phyfe: Chapter 8

When Separate Roles Were the Norm

Some may find it hard to imagine. Others think it's unthinkable, but there was a time when a young woman’s dream was to fall in love and get married…SO THAT… she could stay at home, “feather the nest,” clean clothes, plan menus, set the table, and eventually [ready or not] add little mouths to feed around that table…just as her mother had done (and her grandmother and great grandmother and great, great grandmother had before that). These were dedicated not "desperate" housewives.

Sound chauvinistic? Sorry, but that word was not yet known by most men or women in 1951 when Mom brought home her Duncan Phyfe. In fact, all her friends were stay-at-home moms doing all those things and none of them felt put upon, hard-used, or unappreciated. For the most part, they were truly happy. Dad’s goal was to climb enough telephone poles to make a good impression at Bell to get a promotion and a raise SO THAT… Mom could quit her job at Star Oil and they could start a family.

It may be hard for 21st Century readers to grasp these distinct and cherished roles, but this social reality was neither a throwback to Amish culture nor a precursor to The Stepford Wives. It was simply the norm. If you doubt it, think for a moment about the post-war era first called the “Baby Boom” in 1951 (though it stretched from 1946 to 1964). By its end, 40% of Americans were age 20 or younger. Could such a thing have happen in one generation if the wives and mothers of that generation were far removed from the "dream" described in the opening two paragraphs?

Bringing Home the Duncan Phyfe is the story of that one year of my parent's married life before they started their family... so I know I'm really messing with the time-line to show you the following picture, but I want to for two reasons: first, to clarify that the ladies in the above flickr.com photos are not my mom; and second, to show you my parent's eventual contribution to the Baby Boom. This picture was taken seven short years after the wedding. My big sister Kathy [she was actually petite, both then and now, but always a great big sister] was born in March of '52, and all four of us were born by April of '56. Boom-boom-boom-boom. See how it got the name?

That's me with the gun. (My little brother Jim was not born yet.) Speaking from personal experience, my family was not considered "large" with four kids (and later five). We could see a half dozen homes from our porch with that many or more kids pouring out the front door after supper… we were all Boomers but didn’t know it.
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Now... back to the point of this chapter. I’m not saying this is how it should be now—I’m just reminding us how it was then. Here’s another way to look at it: Burt Bacharach wrote this hit song, Wives and Lovers, at the end of the baby boom, just before the norm changed.
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"Hey, little girl, comb your hair, fix your make-up

Soon he will open the door.

Don't think because there's a ring on your finger,

You needn't try any more

For wives should always be lovers, too.
Run to his arms the moment he comes home to you...."

If you want to hear the original song here’s the recording [just ignore the meaningless Youtube footage]. Can you imagine such lyrics today? While it's good advice for married couples to remember the importance of "romance," the song puts the burden on the woman. To me it seems equally important for the man to remember it (instead of "men will always be men" in the second verse).

If you click on this facsimile from a 1955 women’s magazine, you'll see the kind of attitudes that were the straw that broke the camel's back (not that women are like camels in any way) and why the pendulum swing of the Feminist Movement that would begin in the 60's may have thrown the baby boom out with the bath water. Who knows? Maybe the future holds a balance where the marital roles are again more distinct, gender respectful, equal in the "side-by-side" sense rather than the "no difference" sense, mutually serving, and uplifting for both husbands and wives.

My point is... unless we remember that these very distinct husband/wife roles were the norm in 1951, these next few chapters may mischaracterize the couple we’ve thus far enjoyed peeking in on. Worse yet, it may prompt female readers to mutter unthinkable things as they read and leave comments. =) ... Okay. Enough social "op ed." Chapter 9 picks up where we left off in that stark empty apartment we saw at the top of the stairs in Chapter 7.
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